I just want the loneliness to stop. How much simpler do you need me to say it?
.... and then, there's me ....
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Anonymous said: I'm sorry you're in so much pain. I know how it feels to live life alone, how hard it is to be unwanted and unloved. it's awful, and you don't deserve it. The way you describe your loneliness is very well thought-out. It tells me that you are an intelligent and deep man who has led a hard life. Actually, I'd like to know more about you. I don't know if you just use tumblr as a vent, but you seem cool. Is there anything you feel comfortable posting about yourself? I would read it if you did.
Hmm. Well, I’m not sure what to post about myself. So, maybe if someone asked some questions, that might help. Anyone is free to ask questions.
I just get so tired of seeing everyone else find someone. Have someone. No master what their deficiencies, they find someone who likes them, who will be with them. They find someone to trust, and love.
And I’m always alone. Too ugly. Too boring. Too …. wrong. For anyone.
It hurts, you know.
It fucking hurts.
I’m going to go and stand in the shower for an hour. It’s about the only place in the world where I feel …. well, not like I belong, but maybe the only place where it feels like I can be me. I can let my emotions flow out, washed away by the falling water. I can be naked, with out the feeling that I disgust everyone. I can dream, fantasise. I can think of all sorts of topics, all sorts of ideas to ponder on.
But I’m still lonely there ….
Maybe that is part of being me. Always lonely. Because I am me.
Because I’m not attractive enough. Not popular enough. Not funny enough. Not crude enough. Not tough enough. Not successful enough. Not rich enough. Not dumb enough.
I don’t know.
So I’m going to go and stand in the shower, and just be me ….