So many people on Tumblr say they are lonely. Yet hardly any respond when you send them a message.
Sort of like those that send you messages saying “talk to me!” or “I’ll listen”, but then you only hear back from them once. If ever.
Kinda makes it hard to make connections with anyone.
I have never touched someone. I have never initiated physical contact with another person. Not even with my family, who are not very affectionate anyway, especially with me. Even the last hug I had, in 1996, wasn’t initiated by me. I’ve tried to start it, tried to offer, to give even a hug, but I’ve always been verbally pushed away. Made absolutely known that physical contact with me was not something they wanted, even though they might have promised that they would. So I don’t. Not that there is anyone to hug. I can’t even really remember that hug in ‘96. I know it happened, I have the visual memory of it, but I can’t remember what it felt like. It is more like something I watched, rather than experienced. I don’t know if anyone who reads this can understand what this is like. When you go out, and see people greet each other with a hug, maybe even a kiss, and you have no idea of what that feels like. I want to. I want to experience that! Oh how I want to. So much, I can’t even find the words to describe it. But there just isn’t anyone to hug. Let alone kiss. Or even hold hands with. It’s not something I have chosen to go with out, or not do …. I’ve just never found anyone who will.
I just wish … I mean, sometimes, I wish, that there was someone who … you know … wouldn’t mind if occasionally I told her that I loved her. You wouldn’t think that three words would be so scary, or so disgusting to hear, but, apparently, from me, they are. Not that I have anyone to say that to. They’re not a collection of words that I throw about, with little to no thought to their actual meaning. I believe … and granted, I guess I am rather old fashioned in this … that you should only say them when you really mean them. That those three words are some of the most valuable, the most precious things you can ever have. You can’t buy them. I don’t even think you can really earn them. Someone has to willingly give you them, because they want you to have them, from them. I’ve willingly given them, and I admit, of course, more than once. But … they didn’t really want them. Not from me. And that’s all I really want to do, I guess. Is to give them to someone who really wants them. From me.