October202014
3PM
3PM
2PM
October182014

Now playing some Battlefield 4 on the PS4. Contact Cucuboth on PSN if anyone is interested in a game. Or I can switch to Destiny if someone wants to play that ….

October172014

Craving human contact.

Physical, intellectual, and emotional.

Affectionate, intimate, and conversational.

I’m horny for it. All of it. If you need it explained in a more crude fashion.

Yet I know that I will get none of it ….

October152014

condesces:

what i’m talking about re: gaslighting is

  • the denial of someone’s perception of reality as true
  • the denial of someone’s experiences as meaningful
  • the denial of someone’s experiences as legitimate

all of these things equate to “what you experienced didn’t really happen as you perceived it, and my perception is more true than yours, and you should listen to me instead of trusting your own experiences”

and that is gaslighting

and that is abuse

(via candlewaster)

October142014
I saw this so much today. It felt like everywhere I went, and everywhere I looked, there were couples holding hands. And it hurts ….I just want to experience what it’s like to do this. I just want to feel what it’s like to hold someone’s hand in mine. I just don’t understand why it’s so impossible to find a girl who will, at the very least, try to. Why holding hands with me, or any form of physical affectionate contact, is so …. repulsive, disgusting, repugnant …. to everyone. It always has been, it seems. And there’s been times when I’ve asked someone to just hold hands, and all they ever do has been to say blankly that “it will happen for you one day”. That might work when you’re 18. Maybe even 28. But when you’re pushing 40, and that ‘one day’ has just never had a chance to happen …. It hurts. It hurts more than I can ever say. Ever explain. Yet it is a hurt that can be taken away so easily. So simply. By one simple act. That nobody wants to do ….

I saw this so much today. It felt like everywhere I went, and everywhere I looked, there were couples holding hands.

And it hurts ….

I just want to experience what it’s like to do this. I just want to feel what it’s like to hold someone’s hand in mine. I just don’t understand why it’s so impossible to find a girl who will, at the very least, try to. Why holding hands with me, or any form of physical affectionate contact, is so …. repulsive, disgusting, repugnant …. to everyone. It always has been, it seems. And there’s been times when I’ve asked someone to just hold hands, and all they ever do has been to say blankly that “it will happen for you one day”. That might work when you’re 18. Maybe even 28. But when you’re pushing 40, and that ‘one day’ has just never had a chance to happen ….

It hurts.

It hurts more than I can ever say. Ever explain. Yet it is a hurt that can be taken away so easily. So simply. By one simple act.

That nobody wants to do ….

(Source: weheartit.com, via determinate)

5PM
October122014

There are days, like today, when I just want to turn to you and tell you that I love you. And see you smile when you hear it. And feel your hold on my hand tighten. And … and I want to say it, simply because I do love you …

And these days, like today, when I want to say this, I turn to you, and there is just an empty space. There is nobody there. The smile can’t be seen. My hand just holds on to nothing but air. But sometimes, I still say it. Hoping, in some way, a rather silly way I guess, that one day, if you’re in that spot, that place next to me, you will hear it.

Whomever you are ….

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